A news item involved the attack by an alligator on a human swimmer in a Central Florida lake. Game and wildlife officials captured the 11.5 foot offender in this case and put the reptile down.  

Now, this is a serious matter, of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder what would have been the outcome had the alligator been given due process before his sentence was “executed.” 

“Court will come to order,” said Judge Faron Imparshal. “Is the prosecution ready?” 

“We are, your honor,” said prosecutor Gettum Noles. 

“And for the defense?” asked the judge. 

“Wim Webow, your honor, speaking for all fans of all gators, regardless of bite pattern.” 

“The defendant did certainly bite a human being, your honor,” said Noles. “And in these parts, that’s a big deal.” 

“Your honor, the defense stipulates that the events in question took place,” said Webow.  “But the only true charge that should be leveled against this glorious creature is that he behaved exactly and precisely like any good gator.” 

“Explain yourself, Mr. Webow.” 

“Gators are known for attacking and overpowering, your honor,” said Wim Webow.  “The only thing he’s guilty of … is being a gator.” 

“But your honor,” interrupted Gettum Noles. 

“Objection overruled,” said the Judge. “My decision is that the gator in question should be personally introduced to that ridiculous little bulldog in Georgia and that annoying little rooster in South Carolina. Case dismissed!” 

“But your honor,” said the prosecutor. 

“And one more thing, Mr. Webow,” said the judge. “Could you please sign this football for me?”